The Stay at Home Mommy

I really enjoyed Loni's post about "Working Mama" and I couldn't help but feel appreciative that I am able to stay at home with my kiddo.  Loni and I have a great friendship and we actually met at work before my little one was born.  I saw her day in and day out and our professional relationship grew to much more in a short amount of time.  We were able to lean on each other with the good and bad of what was going on in our lives.  She is a DANG good mom and a strong mom. I know I am blessed to have her as a friend and as a "Wise man" (will talk about what that means in a different post).

For those who are in the Stay at Home Mommy group, I say "UNITE!" Ha! When I was prego, I was an avid listener of the XM Radio Stars DR LAURA.  She always praises the stay at home moms for the sacrifce they do for their children and family.  I had a little idea what it would be like since I was a nanny for 3 families, but then again I was getting paid for it and they weren't my own.  Not that I feel like I need to get paid for staying home (which would be awesome), but it is not always ideal.  Don't get me wrong, with Loni, I would still do everything in my power to stay at home because one, I want to raise my child, two, I want to see all of their developments and accomplishments first hand, and three because of the natural motherly instinct I have is to nurture my babies. Yet, lets face it, it ain't always easy.


On Call-
There are some guilt and struggles we Stay at Home Mommies feel though.  We get to be with our babies/kiddos all the time. ALL THE TIME! Late nights, early mornings, mornings, early afternoon, afternoon, late afternoon, night, and repeat. Yes, dad occasionally will get up with baby in the night or early morning, but he has to work and NEEDS his sleep.  Besides, baby really wants HIS mommy anyway.  I feel guilty sometimes asking hubby to get baby because he already is going to work and getting his masters to provide for this family.  I just wish I was this amazing person when I have no sleep...but I'm not. I also feel guilty asking family and friends to watch baby for a couple of hours.  I don't want to put this burden on anyone else too. What if he's unhappy or fussy for them? I want them to have good experiences and love him like we do.  Sometimes this is a forced decision I have to risk.

What Money?-
My hubby and I before we were married planned that when our youngest was in kindergarten that I would go back to school to get my credentials in counseling so I can be a Marriage and Family Counselor. This would be perfect, I could be home when they were home and work when they were gone. Well, we never planned for when finances get tough, what we were to do for extra money. I know... Cami would stress her brains out and worry all day at home! Take upon herself to stay at home, tend the baby, tend the home (laundry, dishes, bathrooms, dinner), oh and do some part time work because heck I just sit at home all day, right? PS: these are my stressed out words not my hubby's.  Breathe! So with limited options, I now try to find some little projects here and there to make it work for some extra income.

Quality time vs Quantity of time-
So "Mrs. Child Development" (what my friend Kelsey calls me) you get to play and psycho analyze your baby all day long, lucky! I wish I did spend more time doing developmentally appropriate things with my baby.  I was an in home service provider for families with children 0-5 and I educated them on finding quality time with their children.  Being home, I realize it is tough sometimes! It takes time, effort, and ENERGY to not put house chores, grocery shopping, church callings, errands, and whatever before my son.  His mood plays a part on this too, I know but it is important and I do it, and when it works, it is great.

"Tub tub talk"-
 Welcome to spending all day with a baby and talking to everyone else in baby talk.  When my hubby and I were dating (kind of), he invited me to a prestigious work dinner with Neurosurgeons he sold to.  Walking to the door to the dinner I say the words, "I'm exhausted from nannying. I need a tub tub!" He looked at me wide eyed and said, "Please do not say that in front of the doctors." I busted up laughing not realizing that after being around children, by yourself all day long you tend to lose it including proper English.  I never did talk baby talk in front of the doctors thankfully, but I did interact great with the doctors' wives.  I still tell hubby that I made HIM look good that night. Finding that mommy on/off switch can be a challenge.

Oh I could go on and on about the stresses mommies at home face, but we still have it good. I am lucky to be with my son in these early years because I know they are precious ones. Mommies working or at home, keep on rock'n it even when you have puke, boogers, and who knows what on you! You're great, strong, and what you do is worth it!

-Cami

Working Mama

She obviously, often dresses herself :-)

I am a working mom.  I am fortunate to have a job in a field that I have a passion for.  Albeit, doesn’t pay much but we make it work for the 2 of us.  

Every day I drop off my little girl at the babysitter’s about 7:30 and pick her up before 5.  Typically, when it’s the end of the day and I ring the sitter’s doorbell I am generally greeted (but not always) with a cute 3 year old yelling “Mommmmm!” as she jumps up and down.    Other times she is engrossed in some type of activity and appears to not really care that I am back.  After chatting with the sitter and talking about everyone’s day we eventually make it home.  At some point between me ringing the doorbell at the sitter’s and Laura and I walking into the house I commonly experience some type of tantrum.  Seriously?!  It’s what every Mom wants, a tantrum.  Sometimes they are short lived other times she is just CRANKY.

I have put a lot of thought into these interactions.  I have also thought a lot about the fact of how much time we DON’T have to spend together.  Monday-Friday we have approximately 2 to 2 ½ hours of time together before it is time for her to be in bed and do it all over again the next day.  I HATE it.  I have seriously contemplated putting her to bed later than 7:30 just so I can play, snuggle and have fun with her.  But, lets face it.  That ain’t gonna happen! Even though typing that makes me sad.  Let me explain why…

#1.  Why does Laura tantrum almost every day?  Because I am SAFE.  She, like me has had a long day and has been keeping her composure all day long and now she can just be free and let it out.  Some days she may be tired, frustrated, or sad because she missed me.  But, the point is she is going to let out her emotions onto me.  Because I am the MOM and we have a healthy relationship. 

#2 Once again I am the MOM and she is 3.  She is going to try push her limits the most with me because I am SAFE.  She is testing me, kids need limits, they need structure, they absolutely crave it (and fight it). Additionally, because she is 3 she is consistently experiencing new emotions, figuring out how to handle them, what they are and what the heck to do with them. 

#3 She needs her sleep!  I have learned that I need a break and she needs her sleep.  Children are better off with an hour or 2 less of interactions than with that extra hour or 2 of interaction and it not be positive.  If I let Laura stay up in an effort to spend more time with her she is going to be tired, she already has had a long day.  And I am tired too and I still need MY time to get things done and take care of myself.  Self-care is so important!

Some days I have a hard time remembering these things but, I know that they are totally true!  Working can be exhausting and the guilt I feel some times is awful.  But, when I put things into perspective and take care of myself it seems to alleviate my guilt.  Because I KNOW that she needs her rest, I need to take care of myself too and children don’t need to spend the majority of their time with their parent to have a loving, healthy relationship which is what every child needs.