What do we comprehend?

Yesterday my boyfriend, Laura and I were driving in the car.  Laura was pretending to be talking on my cell phone to one of her many friends (you may know them, Snow White, Boots, Dora, etc).  Boyfriend decided to call Laura on my cell phone while it was still in her hand on the way to the store. 

 Laura was thrilled to be talking on the phone (what 3 year old isn’t?).  She was conversing on the phone with Boyfriend (remember he is in the car with us) and Laura finally says, “Who is this? Uncle Dan?!”  Boyfriend and I immediately look at each other and quietly laugh.  She has NO clue that it is him on the phone!  (Remember, he is in the front seat and she right there in the back seat).  They continue the conversation and she continues to ask who is on the phone and I tell her that it is Boyfriend on the phone.  She does NOT believe me.  She is clueless!  On the way home Boyfriend called her AGAIN she never figured out it was him even after I again told her it was him. 

 I share this story for 2 reasons.  One, I find it to be pretty funny and two, I think sometimes we hold our kids on a pedestal that it is way too high for them. 

I have also heard painting is a good stress releiver :-)
It seems to work for her!

 I will be honest I think my kid is smart.  I don’t think that she is a genius or anything but, I think developmentally she is doing well and she often surprises me with the things that she can do and the things that she gets.  But, my awesome story above perfectly illustrates a point that I know I often need to remember.  Our kids are still kids and they are still learning.  Lets not assume that our kid “GETS IT” unless our child has demonstrated that they do get it.  Get it?

 Additionally, I have come across way too many moms (and at times I have been guilty of it myself) that have to high of expectation on their children.  These moms HONESTLY do not do it on purpose.  But, what happens is we all tend to think our kids understand more than what they actually do because we start to make ASSUMPTIONS.  Their child demonstrated that they totally understood concept A so, then mom assumes that child totally gets concept B, and the kid DOESN’T.  Moms we then get frustrated because we think that the kid is just not listening when the poor kid actually just DOESN’T GET IT. 

 So, lets save ourselves one less stress and one less frustration and STOP assuming and start paying attention to our children’s specific abilities. 

Life

I think its pretty safe to say that the past 2 weeks or so Cami and I have had hard/crazy weeks.  Both of us experienced our crazy weeks due to our own individual circumstances.  Nonetheless, they were harder than the average week and I kinda sorta want to talk a little bit about them.



Laura, fast asleep in the stroller.  Don't get so
exhausted in life that we miss seeing all the
other great thingsaround us.  Like Laura :-)

First, a few posts back Cami talked about getting a wiseman.  DO IT.  It is so great to know that you have a few people in your back pocket that can be your ear, call you out (nicely) on your irrationality and still lets you know that what you are feeling and experiencing is normal and helps support you getting back to a healthy place.

When I am having a hard time I do try to be very reflective and understand what in the world is happening.  Am I exhausted, are my hormones possibly going crazy, have I put to much on my plate?   Generally, the answer for me is exhaustion and worrying.  I have a huge tendency to think, think some more and more and more and more (thank you, mom!). 

So, tonight I am going to watch Teen Mom (we all have our weaknesses) and GO TO BED.  I also journal.  I don't neccessarily keep what I wrote but, I will write.  I often times will just open up Word and type away into oblivion and eventually it all filters out and at the bottom I have a few neat sentences that state what I am TRULY feeling. 

I also want to focus on what is good right now.  Currently, Laura is loving to cuddle at bedtime.  She just wants a back scratch and a hand to hold.  This has been great for me because it has forced me to slow down and not be so frustrated at the week.  I mean really, if we can take those moments to give our children that intimate time that they need with us, it will absolutely give us a mental break from reality. 

Tomorrow is FRIDAY and that is ALWAYS good. 

What Mommy Personality type are you: Step by Step Guide to Finding your Personality type

For those who know me, know that I can become obsessed with personality tests, especially the Myers-Briggs personality test. You might know this because I have already kindly forced you to take it.  I truly enjoy getting to know people, their motives, and learn how their brain works.  It's become a hobby that I blame my old roommate, April, on.

Pros to TAKING the TEST
Taking the personality test can help better understand what makes you and your partner, children, family, friends, and coworkers tick. The test SPELLS it out for you.  After taking it, it's like an AH-HA moment and you might start laughing learning how true the test explains everyone so clearly. I mean I already knew weird things about me, but to know there are others just like me out there, that's funny! And once I knew my hubby was a Guardian (ESFJ), I could understand why certain things were so important to him and why he would get so irritated over certain things that didn't matter at all to me (like the dishes always needing to be clean).  That's just the way he thinks, feels, and does things. The test also helps explain why you react the way you do too.

Why Myers-Briggs?
Here's the thing about this particular personality test it's a long running test developed by psychologist 70+ years ago and is used in institutions, education, and major corporations all over the world.  It's a good one!  I personally like David Keirsey's take on the test where he took the 4 letters that make up the individual's personality type and gives them a name. It helps identify the 16 different characters better. There are four families which are Guardian, Artisan, Idealist, and Rational, and within each family are 4 members (equaling 16 total). Now, I am not a fan of labeling a people, but it's easier to call someone an Idealist Champion rather than an ENFP (PS that's me). 

Where can you take this test?
There are not a lot of free personality tests online for MBPT so I will link you up. Here's the steps I would recommend for getting the most out of this personality test.  

1. Go to  http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp. It's 72 questions long with 2 options for each, just so you know it might take awhile.

2. After the test spits out your 4 letters, it will give you a description.  I would take your 4 letters and go to www.keirsey.com where you can read up on your personality type in depth for career placement, dating/relationship building, famous people, coping skills, etc... I visit the site quite a bit and totally recommend it.

3. If you want  more insight about personalities the book Please Understand Me Part II by David Keirsey is a must read.  To be honest it is not an easy read, but it has great information about relationships, parenting styles, and leadership roles. I skim through this to find what personality I want to reach. I would not suggest reading this straight through, it can get boring. The test is also in this book. 

4. If you want to figure out what your kiddo's personality type is it will take some time.  Though you can see bits and pieces of your child's personality right now, children don't develop the full personality till mid-teen to even early adulthood.  This has to do with brain development, and the human brain does not completely develop until mid 20's.  Another recommendation that can help indicate early personality traits is Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child's Personality Type- And Become a Better Parent by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Baron-Tieger. I have found this in my local library, so it might be in yours!

Conclusion
"Seek to understand before being understood" was one of Stephen R. Covey's rules for highly successful people. Better understanding your family, friends, coworkers, leaders, and yourself will change the way you look at situations and is one of my favorite ways to cope with stress. Educating ourselves on how people tick, will help with the expectations we put on people.  

Let us know what personality type you are by posting it!-Cami

One of Those Days...

Have you ever had one of those days? I know we all have! Recently I had one of those "nights".

Laura and I were home for the day (yay!) and I needed to make some cookies for a church function the next evening. I was so happy, the cookie dough that I had previously frozen and had thawed out perfectly. I thought to myself "These snickerdoodles will be a breeze!"  The first batch of cookies I cooked a little too long, they weren't burned but a little too brown (no big deal, I figured I would send them to the babysitter's, the kids always love goodies). Of course Laura was DYING to have a cookie. I threw some more cookies in the oven and agreed that she could have one after her bath but before bed. We scurried up the stairs and she took a quick bath.

As soon as I pulled her out of the bath I asked her to go to her room and get her jammies on while I ran downstairs to pull the cookies out of the oven and put a new batch in the oven. I accomplished my task and answered my phone while I was downstairs. It was a friend of mine stating he was going to just drop something off at my house real quick and leave it outside and I could grab it when I didn't have my hands full (perfect!). I put my phone down and hustled back upstairs.

 Laura was being mischievous and silly and was hiding behind her bedroom door, she then said "Mom, I peed!" What??? She had PEED on the floor, seriously??!! I can't tell you the last time she did that! I instantly walk into her room and closed the door so that I could get behind the door and investigate the pee that is now on my carpet. Laura chimes in "The door is locked". What, you have got to be kidding!! (Laura's door knob is backwards so the lock is on the OUTSIDE of her room). We are locked IN her room. I instantly ran to her bedroom window, opened and looked outside and could see my friend who had just dropped off something driving away down the road, there was no way I could flag him down!! So, there we were locked in her room.

I knew my boyfriend was planning to be at my house around 8 but, things change I knew I couldn't count on that. What did I end up doing? Well, first I seriously contemplated attempting to wrap myself around the side of the house and try to get on top of the garage which would of allowed me to lower myself down on to the fence, and then get down and go to a neighbor's and call my boyfriend to tell him to come let me in my house (every door in my house is locked). But, I couldn't quite wrap myself around the side of the house and I wasn't very keen on the idea of leaving Laura alone in her bedroom on the 2nd floor with the window open.

 So, PLAN B hang out of her window and try to get someone's attention! FINALLY, after what seemed like an eternity I was able to flag down my neighbor's boyfriend as he walked down the street. (I am sure he thought I was a nut job) I explained the situation, he went home, got his phone and his girlfriend and they called my boyfriend for me. Of course the minute she explained the situation he (my boyfriend)  laughed and said he would be right there (who wouldn't laugh?).

 I also have a horrible stomach and was sick with anxiety I was DYING, thinking that I may lose it at any moment!

 Eventually, my boyfriend showed up and he let me out. Meanwhile, the cookies in the oven were burned to a crisp and it took a good 4 days before the scent of charcoal-esque snickerdoodles left my home. And the women at church the next evening were served thawed out pre-made cookies that were sufficient but, not my best. It is what it is :-)

 Moral of the story, some nights you just have to laugh and go to bed (oh, and text your girlfriends so that they can have a good laugh before they go to bed).

Its sharing time!

I was talking to one of my friend’s and she asked me to blog about sharing.  She is mother of 2 little boys but, also watches children in her home.  Just like the rest of us she has an issues with sharing in her home. (Surprise, surprise, surprise! – Gomer Pyle)

Why the heck can’t kids share?? I mean seriously, we all get a turn, right?!

As your little ones grow and develop they can really only think about themselves, they can't put themselves in someone else's shoes.  As our babies and toddlers begin to get older they begin to empathize and understand the other person's point of view but, that is a slooooow process.  It all has to do with their brain growing and stretching and making all of those connections.  The pre-frontal cortex is what controls our impulse control, helps to regulate emotions, etc and that doesn't stop developing until age 25 (approx) and doesn't really "blossom" until age 12!  Sharing is an advanced skill!

  So, what is a mom to do?

First, we can be proactive.  Let your child choose a few special toys that their friends can’t play with.  Put those toys away and when their friends leave they can then get down their special toys. 

Second, practice, practice, practice taking turns! Take turns building blocks together, setting the table, turning the pages of a book this will help your child develop the understanding that he/she will get a turn. 

Third, set a timer.  Set the timer for a very reasonable amount of time.  If you have a toddler, 2-3 minutes is plenty of time before it is time to share.  If you set the timer too long they are going to get frustrated and they still won’t have that darn toy in their hand!

Try your darndest to make sharing a positive experience, so they will want to do it again :-)

By the time your kid is 3 they should grasp the sharing concept and be able to actually share.  However, they will still need support.  Sharing is hard, they love toys and have STRONG emotions to whatever their objective is at that moment. 

And let us not forget that kids are tenacious, strong willed and work hard at what they want. 

So, take care of yourself so you can be prepared and proactive and help them share

How have your gotten your kids to share?

-Loni

Do as Uchtdorf- Create

I have heard a great way to get out of depression for women is to CREATE. Below is a "Mormon Message" video clip and the official conference article by a well loved counselor of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Dieter F. Ucthdorf.  He addresses the women of the LDS church, but I feel this message is for ALL women religious or not. We all have talents, lets use them. We all know how to create SOMETHING, so lets to do. If you need help getting out of a rut, read on my friends! (PS- I highlighted my faves). -Cami

Happiness, Your Heritage

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Second Counselor in the First Presidency

Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness.

My dear sisters, I am grateful for this, my first opportunity to speak to the women of the Church gathered together in all parts of the world. We are especially honored today with the presence of President Monson and President Eyring. The choir has touched our hearts. We have been inspired by the messages of Sister Thompson, Sister Allred, and Sister Beck.

Since learning that I would be with you today, I have thought about the many women who have shaped my life: my wonderful wife, Harriet; my mother; my mother-in-law; my sister; my daughter; my daughter-in-law; and many friends. All my life I have been surrounded by women who inspired, taught, and encouraged me. I am who I am today in large part because of these singular women. Each time I meet with the sisters of the Church, I sense that I am in the midst of similar remarkable souls. I am grateful to be here, grateful for your talents, compassion, and service. Most of all, I am grateful for who you are: treasured daughters of our Heavenly Father with infinite worth.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise, but the differences between men and women can often be quite striking—physically and mentally, as well as emotionally. One of the best ways I can think of to illustrate this is in the way my wife and I cook a meal.

When Harriet prepares a meal, it’s a masterpiece. Her cuisine is as wide-ranging as the world, and she frequently prepares dishes from countries we have visited. The presentation of the food is awe inspiring. In fact, it often looks so beautiful that it seems a crime to eat it. It’s as much a feast for the eyes as it is for the sense of taste.

But sure enough, no matter how perfect everything is, looks, and tastes, Harriet will apologize for something she thinks is imperfect. “I’m afraid I used a touch too much ginger,” she will say, or, “Next time, I think it would be better if I used a little more curry and one additional bay leaf.”

Let me contrast that with the way I cook. For the purpose of this talk, I asked Harriet to tell me what I cook best.

Her answer: fried eggs.

Sunny-side up.

But that isn’t all. I have a specialty dish called Knusperchen. The name may sound like a delicacy you might find at an exclusive restaurant. Let me share with you how to make it. You cut French bread into small slices and toast them twice.

That is the recipe!

So, between fried eggs, even when they are greasy, and Knusperchen, even when they are burned, when I cook, I feel pretty heroic.

Perhaps this contrast between my wife and me is a slight exaggeration, but it illustrates something that may extend beyond preparing meals.

To me it appears that our splendid sisters sometimes undervalue their abilities—they focus on what is lacking or imperfect rather than what has been accomplished and who they really are.

Perhaps you recognize this trait in someone you know really well.

The good news is that this also points to an admirable quality: the innate desire to please the Lord to the best of your ability. Unfortunately, it can also lead to frustration, exhaustion, and unhappiness.

To All Who Are Weary

Today I would like to speak to those who have ever felt inadequate, discouraged, or weary—in short, I would like to speak to all of us.

I also pray that the Holy Ghost will amplify my words and bestow upon them additional meaning, insight, and inspiration.

We know that sometimes it can be difficult to keep our heads above water. In fact, in our world of change, challenges, and checklists, sometimes it can seem nearly impossible to avoid feeling overwhelmed by emotions of suffering and sorrow.

I am not suggesting that we can simply flip a switch and stop the negative feelings that distress us. This isn’t a pep talk or an attempt to encourage those sinking in quicksand to imagine instead they are relaxing on a beach. I recognize that in all of our lives there are real concerns. I know there are hearts here today that harbor deep sorrows. Others wrestle with fears that trouble the soul. For some, loneliness is their secret trial.

These things are not insignificant.

However, I would like to speak about two principles that may help you find a path to peace, hope, and joy—even during times of trial and distress. I want to speak about God’s happiness and how each one of us can taste of it in spite of the burdens that beset us.

God’s Happiness

Let me first pose a question: What do you suppose is the greatest kind of happiness possible? For me, the answer to this question is, God’s happiness.

This leads to another question: What is our Heavenly Father’s happiness?

This may be impossible to answer because His ways are not our ways. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are [God’s] ways higher than [our] ways, and [His] thoughts [higher] than [our] thoughts.” ¹

Though we cannot understand “the meaning of all things,” we do “know that [God] loveth his children” ² because He has said, “Behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” ³

Heavenly Father is able to accomplish these two great goals—the immortality and eternal life of man—because He is a God of creation and compassion. Creating and being compassionate are two objectives that contribute to our Heavenly Father’s perfect happiness. Creating and being compassionate are two activities that we as His spirit children can and should emulate.

The Work of Creation

The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.

Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty.

Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty—and I am not talking about the process of cleaning the rooms of your teenage children.

You might say, “I’m not the creative type. When I sing, I’m always half a tone above or below the note. I cannot draw a line without a ruler. And the only practical use for my homemade bread is as a paperweight or as a doorstop.”

If that is how you feel, think again, and remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe. Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it—your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination.

But to what end were we created? We were created with the express purpose and potential of experiencing a fulness of joy. ⁴ Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things.

If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next.

You may think you don’t have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us. ⁵ The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.

What you create doesn’t have to be perfect. So what if the eggs are greasy or the toast is burned? Don’t let fear of failure discourage you. Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside.

If you still feel incapable of creating, start small. Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it.

Nearly a century and a half ago, President Brigham Young spoke to the Saints of his day. “There is a great work for the Saints to do,” he said. “Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ.” ⁶

The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you.

Being Compassionate

Being compassionate is another great work of our Heavenly Father and a fundamental characteristic of who we are as a people. We are commanded to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” ⁷ Disciples of Christ throughout all ages of the world have been distinguished by their compassion. Those who follow the Savior “mourn with those that mourn … and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.” ⁸

When we reach out to bless the lives of others, our lives are blessed as well. Service and sacrifice open the windows of heaven, allowing choice blessings to descend upon us. Surely our beloved Heavenly Father smiles upon those who care for the least of His children.

As we lift others, we rise a little higher ourselves. President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “The more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls.” ⁹

President Gordon B. Hinckley believed in the healing power of service. After the death of his wife, he provided a great example to the Church in the way he immersed himself in work and in serving others. It is told that President Hinckley remarked to one woman who had recently lost her husband, “Work will cure your grief. Serve others.”

These are profound words. As we lose ourselves in the service of others, we discover our own lives and our own happiness.

President Lorenzo Snow expressed a similar thought: “When you find yourselves a little gloomy, look around you and find somebody that is in a worse plight than yourself; go to him and find out what the trouble is, then try to remove it with the wisdom which the Lord bestows upon you; and the first thing you know, your gloom is gone, you feel light, the Spirit of the Lord is upon you, and everything seems illuminated.” ¹⁰

In today’s world of pop psychology, junk TV, and feel-good self-help manuals, this advice may seem counterintuitive. We are sometimes told that the answer to our ills is to look inward, to indulge ourselves, to spend first and pay later, and to satisfy our own desires even at the expense of those around us. While there are times when it is prudent to look first to our own needs, in the long run it doesn’t lead to lasting happiness.

An Instrument in the Hands of the Lord

I believe that the women of the Church, regardless of age or family status, understand and apply best the words of James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” ¹¹ Often I have witnessed quiet acts of kindness and compassion by noble women who extended themselves in unselfish charity. My heart swells when I hear stories of the sisters of the Church and how they rush to the aid of those in need.

There are those in the Church—both men and women—who wonder how they can contribute to the kingdom. Sometimes women who are single, divorced, or widowed wonder if there is a place for them. Every sister in the Church is of critical importance—not only to our Heavenly Father but also to the building of the kingdom of God as well. There is a great work to do.

One year ago in this meeting, President Monson taught that “you are … surrounded by opportunities for service. … Often small acts of service are all that is required to lift and bless another.” ¹² Look around you. There at sacrament meeting is a young mother with several children—offer to sit with her and help. There in your neighborhood is a young man who seems discouraged—tell him you enjoy being in his presence, that you feel his goodness. True words of encouragement require only a loving and caring heart but may have an eternal impact on the life of those around you.

You wonderful sisters render compassionate service to others for reasons that supersede desires for personal benefits. In this you emulate the Savior, who, though a king, did not seek position, nor was He concerned about whether others noticed Him. He did not bother to compete with others. His thoughts were always tuned to help others. He taught, healed, conversed, and listened to others. He knew that greatness had little to do with outward signs of prosperity or position. He taught and lived by this doctrine: “He that is greatest among you shall be your servant.” ¹³

In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers.

Conclusion

My dear sisters, I have a simple faith. I believe that as you are faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, as you draw closer to Him in faith, hope, and charity, things will work together for your good. ¹⁴ I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father—as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others—God will encircle you in the arms of His love. ¹⁵ Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace, and fulfillment.

As spirit daughters of our Heavenly Father, happiness is your heritage.

You are choice daughters of our Heavenly Father, and through the things you create and by your compassionate service, you are a great power for good. You will make the world a better place. Lift up your chin; walk tall. God loves you. We love and admire you.

Of this I testify, and leave you my blessing as an Apostle of the Lord, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

How Not to Buy a Dryer

Almost 3 years ago I moved into my house.  Obviously, when purchasing/moving into a new (to me) home there are added expenses.  For example, buying appliances.  I was fortunate enough to have a washing machine gifted to me which meant I just needed to purchase the dryer.  Being a single mom that works in the social services field you can imagine that I was (and still am) on a BUDGET.  I went down to my local used appliance store and purchased myself a clean, usable dryer.  I have been happy with my dryer and have had no complaints it has worked like a champ these last few years. 

Yesterday, Laura wanted/needed to get dressed.  Of course her clothes were sitting in the dryer (they have been there the 3 last days)  and she informed me that she would pick her clothes out and get dressed.  I was in the kitchen and suddenly heard a very loud noise.  I went around the corner to the laundry room and she had SAT on the dryer door.  Of course she fell right on her rear end and broke my door!  (LOL!!)  She has been reminded to not sit on it, lean on it, etc she now understands why she cannot sit on the door. 

I called my neighbor who came to my rescue and he fixed the door (yay, no new dryer!!) for now.  The hinges are bent but, the door opens and closes fine.  But, I have been warned not to put any type of weight on the door now that the hinges are bent in an effort to keep the door working properly. 

Lesson learned.  Do NOT buy a dryer that has the door that folds down, it can lead to a bruised bum and a possible unwanted expense J

Picture taken AFTER the door was fixed and YES the clothes are STIILL in there... :-)