If you are a mommy or caregiver
for more than one child then it's most likely you have experienced a child
demanding for individual, one-on-one attention. You probably have had those
days when one or more kiddo just wanted YOU all to themselves and if they did
not get the attention or response they needed they did anything in their power
to get it. It would start out
endearing but then it would end up pushing your limits way too far. I have
tended triplet boys on and off for the past 2 years (they are 4 years old now)
and I saw this all the time! I would get, "Miss Cami, can will you play
with me?”, "Miss Cami, can I sit on your lap?", "Miss Cami,
watch me hit my brother?" or "Miss Cami, I don't want to listen to
you or sit in timeout, but I want you to PLAY WITH ME!" Over and over again, all day long!
Repeating things like "Feet stay on the floor", "Please keep
your hands out of your milk" and "I am sorry, but the answer is still
no," till your head and throat hurts by the end of the day.
So why is this child acting out?
Well, for one he/she is seeking YOUR attention and needs quality time with
you. Unfortunately, when you have
multiple children this is difficult to do. There is a technique by Dr. Harvey Karp from The Happiest
Toddler on the Block, called “Feed the
Meter”. Just like a parking meter,
you put coins into it to keep your parking spot and you do the same with
kiddos. Even giving 10-15 minutes
of individual one-on-one time can feed your child's ‘attention appetite.’ When
they need you again... feed the meter again.
Another reason he/she might be
trying to do this is due to competing time with the other child/children or
things that are taking attention away from them. A good way to spread your time out is to actually time
it. Announce to this child that
you put ‘x’ amount of minutes on a timer (probably 5-10 depending on their age)
for set time with each child.
Explain when the time is up, the timer will chime and it will be time to
switch. You can let them hold the
timer and watch the minutes go by or they can play by themselves until it's
their special turn with Mom or caregiver. I've seen much success with this
technique.
Give them a responsibility. When I served families in the
community, the first thing I did before trying to give advice with behavior was
educating parents to define everyone's role in the home. There is a sense of importance
when this happens and everyone feels like they have a job to do. Being a "Big Helper"
definitely gives them their fix for attention because they know you are
watching them in their role. For example, when the triplets want to go on the
walk to the park I make sure everyone has a special job: one is the leader, one
pulls the wagon, and one is the caboose.
I make sure they take turns in this activity and in other similar
activities. But acknowledging how well each did in the task surely makes them feel
like they are contributing!
Lastly, it might just be an off
day. This is normal for kiddos who
are growing and experiencing different emotions. It could always be the one of the 3 I like to call the
‘Excusables’ for behavior: TIRED, SICK, or HUNGRY. I always find when my own behavior is not at its best
there’s a 90% chance it has to do with one of these
"Excusables". But by
helping them recognize their behavior or what they are feeling will help them
recognize their emotions too. “I
see you are rubbing your eyes. You must be tired, let’s go read a book and
relax. It’s almost nap time.” When my hubby does this for me, it is heaven!
I understand sharing YOU with
little ones can be tiresome. I know, I get it! These techniques of feeding the
meter, timing it, giving them responsibilities, and helping recognize emotions
have worked for me. Try’em out!
What has worked you for you when
tending multiples?
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