I do limit her candy intake (most days) lol |
Well, at times I have definitely
shown my frustration through my tone of voice. But, I can also say that I
have learned (in school and through experience) it is soooo much better if I
keep my cool and remain very very calm. If I "amp" Laura will
too (believe me, she can)!!
I have been explaining to her that
she if she CHOOSES to be mean or tries to hurt me than we cannot do fun
things. It is very important that I explain to her and tell her that she
is choosing this behavior. I have tried to steer clear of saying,
"You need to be nice". She needs to recognize and know that she has a
choice and she is a nice girl. It is not something that "just happens".
Obviously, Laura hasn't been able
to do too many "fun things" this week. And I think it
is important to note what this looks like in our house. It means that
after bath she has to go straight to bed instead of going down stairs for an
additional 20-30 minutes. It also means clean up toys, no TV,
etc. Not doing "fun things" on the weekend would be turning off
the movie she was watching or whatever "fun thing" was in the
immediate future. BUT, the most important thing is it ISN'T a miserable
experience. With all of these negative interactions going on
(hitting, kicking, etc) it is important to have A LOT of positive interactions;
interactions that have the desired behavior. We have been doing tons of
talking, trust me this girl can tell stories and hanging out in
her room. Her room is a place for her to chill out and take a
break.
I have also been explaining to
Laura that when she tries to hurt me (kick, hit, etc) that she isn't being
safe. Therefore, I can't help her or I will walk away. For
example, last night I was helping her get her PJ’s on and she began to hit
me. Guess what, she had to put them on herself. Boy, did that make
her mad!! However, I stayed there, remained calm, cuddled her to help her calm
down and remained consistent. EVENTUALLY (20 minutes later) she had her
jimmies on and she knew why she had to do it by herself (which she is very
capable of doing).
One more thing I have been helping
her kick the floor, hit the couch WHATEVER. Giving her something that’s
okay to release her frustrations, just not living, breathing things!
LOL! I want Laura to feel and recognize her anger and then learn to
REGULATE it. This is WHY she is doing this. HELLOOOOO,
milestone!
So, how the heck have I been
dealing with this?? Putting her to bed on time IF NOT earlier, because if
she is overly tired the behavior would be way WORSE. Calling CAMI just to
have a safe ear, and to talk to someone who knows that no matter how hard we
try our kids are NOT perfect and we do NOT have all the answers. Talking
about my problem out loud also for me, gives me a chance to hear it and reflect
on it.
So, what else am I going to
do? I need to work on more turn taking with Laura and help increase
self-regulation skills. Playing games like “red light, green light”, and
of course being PRO-ACTIVE.
What has helped you with
your hitting child?
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