Balancing Act- Life Wheel

Have you ever made one of these before? One day I felt like my life was kind of out of whack, okay really out of whack, and I needed to get back in balance. The feeling not completely "putting all my eggs in one basket" but putting more eggs in some baskets than others.  So I did some researching and I saw some examples of how people made "slices" of what makes them whole and function properly. Think of the yin yang.

The way I did my balance wheel was tracing a circle and then "pie-ing" it into different categories of what I NEED to happen or what I NEED to be working on in my life!  These "slices" should be important enough to you that if they were not present in your life you would notice a significant difference. Some of the slices were added to help keep me in check of what I might be lacking or slacking on. I viewed some balance wheels with only 4 categories and others had more, depending how detailed or general they wanted it to be. I added visuals to mine, not that great of an artist, but it seemed to help. You can make yours any way you want. Keep it in a place where you can see it often like the fridge, bathroom, mirror, car, whatev. Seeing a daily visual life check list helps keep me focused on what is really important and I admit I feel a bit more evened out.   The wheel has helped me, I hope it can help you too! When there's a "wheel", there's a way...or something like that.

If you've made one before or just recently made one share it, we want to see what it looks like! How has it helped keep you balanced? -Cami

Wettin' the Bed

When Laura was just under 2 weeks old my “mommy adrenaline” was beginning to wear off and I was EXHAUSTED.  I asked her dad if he could take off the following day (Friday) from work and stay home so that I could get a break and rest.  He happily complied.  That night he agreed to take care of baby during the night and would only wake me when I needed to nurse Laura.  I went to bed relaxed and willingly drifted into a deep sleep knowing that he would take care of her and I could SLEEP.  Early in the morning I jolted out of bed because I HAD WET THE BED.  Yes, I, a grown woman peed in her sleep.  I was so tired my body had a difficult time recognizing the need that I had to empty my bladder.  Luckily, I had a sense of humor and was only moderately embarrassed.  My friend/neighbor soon learned of my bed wetting incident and thought I was crazy.  A few months later, after she gave birth to her first child.  She reminded me of my bed wetting incident, and commented that she was surprised that she hadn’t wet the bed due to exhaustion. 

Some kids wet the bed.  My mom says that my sister and I never really wet the bed.  Once we were potty trained we stayed dry easily through the night. 

Laura, however has never had a dry night in her life.  She is 3 ½ years old and still goes to bed with a diaper even though she has been potty trained for 1 year.  People have commented to me, that maybe I should try different techniques such as, limiting her water intake, waking her up, etc.  Here is the honest truth I don’t mind that she wets bed.  First, I think that we need to understand why kids wet the bed.  Most typical kids who wet the bed may have an immature bladder or are very deep sleepers.  If there bladders aren’t able to hold all of that urine they are going to wet the bed especially if their nerve endings aren’t sending super strong signals to their brain to wake them up.  Other kids are just deep sleepers.  But, it is important to remember that this is completely NORMAL.  Doctors typically will not address bed wetting until approximately age 8, anything before that is considered normal.  Also, it is important to note that bed wetting runs in the family.  I know that on Laura’s father’s side some of her cousins wet the bed.

Because of these things I don’t push Laura to have a dry night.  I am also very intentional so that she never feels bad about wetting the bed.  This is crucial for our kiddos to not feel shamed.  Yes, I have tried to limit her liquids.  But, seriously we live in the desert I am only going to limit them so much and I think hydration is so much more important than a dry diaper.  Second, we already know how strongly I feel about sleep.  And I do not want to wake her up and disrupt her sleep patter because she “needs to be dry at night”.

Moms, let’s not stress ourselves out over bed wetting (because it is normal).  Yes, when your child shows signs that they can be dry at night than do it!! But, let’s not put one more stress on ourselves.  Do you really want urine soaked sheets every morning? I don’t!   Being a mom is about learning to pick your battles, knowing what is appropriate for your child and teaching them how to deal with life.  Model this behavior to them, don’t over do it and stress yourself, bed wetting is OK.

*I would also like to make a note in this post.  IF your child was staying consistently dry and has now reverted.  That is a different situation.  Reverting back to bed wetting is a sign that your child is most likely dealing with something.  He/she may be sick, adjusting to new baby, or trying to deal with stresses that are going on in his/her environment.  If this is the case please reach out to the appropriate professional.  If you aren’t sure who that would be, please feel free to comment or email Cami or I and we would love to help guide you to an appropriate professional* -Loni

Hello, can I get a little ATTENTION. Please!

If you are a mommy or caregiver for more than one child then it's most likely you have experienced a child demanding for individual, one-on-one attention. You probably have had those days when one or more kiddo just wanted YOU all to themselves and if they did not get the attention or response they needed they did anything in their power to get it.  It would start out endearing but then it would end up pushing your limits way too far. I have tended triplet boys on and off for the past 2 years (they are 4 years old now) and I saw this all the time! I would get, "Miss Cami, can will you play with me?”, "Miss Cami, can I sit on your lap?", "Miss Cami, watch me hit my brother?" or "Miss Cami, I don't want to listen to you or sit in timeout, but I want you to PLAY WITH ME!"  Over and over again, all day long! Repeating things like "Feet stay on the floor", "Please keep your hands out of your milk" and "I am sorry, but the answer is still no," till your head and throat hurts by the end of the day.

So why is this child acting out? Well, for one he/she is seeking YOUR attention and needs quality time with you.  Unfortunately, when you have multiple children this is difficult to do.  There is a technique by Dr. Harvey Karp from The Happiest Toddler on the Block, called “Feed the Meter”.  Just like a parking meter, you put coins into it to keep your parking spot and you do the same with kiddos.  Even giving 10-15 minutes of individual one-on-one time can feed your child's ‘attention appetite.’ When they need you again... feed the meter again.

Another reason he/she might be trying to do this is due to competing time with the other child/children or things that are taking attention away from them.  A good way to spread your time out is to actually time it.  Announce to this child that you put ‘x’ amount of minutes on a timer (probably 5-10 depending on their age) for set time with each child.  Explain when the time is up, the timer will chime and it will be time to switch.  You can let them hold the timer and watch the minutes go by or they can play by themselves until it's their special turn with Mom or caregiver. I've seen much success with this technique.

Give them a responsibility.  When I served families in the community, the first thing I did before trying to give advice with behavior was educating parents to define everyone's role in the home. There is a sense of importance when this happens and everyone feels like they have a job to do.  Being a "Big Helper" definitely gives them their fix for attention because they know you are watching them in their role. For example, when the triplets want to go on the walk to the park I make sure everyone has a special job: one is the leader, one pulls the wagon, and one is the caboose.  I make sure they take turns in this activity and in other similar activities. But acknowledging how well each did in the task surely makes them feel like they are contributing!

Lastly, it might just be an off day.  This is normal for kiddos who are growing and experiencing different emotions.  It could always be the one of the 3 I like to call the ‘Excusables’ for behavior: TIRED, SICK, or HUNGRY.  I always find when my own behavior is not at its best there’s a 90% chance it has to do with one of these "Excusables".  But by helping them recognize their behavior or what they are feeling will help them recognize their emotions too.  “I see you are rubbing your eyes. You must be tired, let’s go read a book and relax. It’s almost nap time.” When my hubby does this for me, it is heaven!

I understand sharing YOU with little ones can be tiresome. I know, I get it! These techniques of feeding the meter, timing it, giving them responsibilities, and helping recognize emotions have worked for me. Try’em out!

What has worked you for you when tending multiples?

HITTING another milestone

I do limit her candy intake (most days) lol

This past week I think Laura has hit a new milestone in her development!  And I will be honest its not my favorite.  All week she has been hitting, spitting and kicking.  Now, don't get me wrong she has always had these behaviors but they have been hit or miss. NOW its all day every day when she is with me! These have definitely been trying, and believe when I say that I have wanted to react and hit her back (the little stinker)!!  She is 3 ½ years old and this is a hard stage.  This week after she goes to bed I come downstairs on the verge of tears.  So, what have I been doing?

Well, at times I have definitely shown my frustration through my tone of voice.  But, I can also say that I have learned (in school and through experience) it is soooo much better if I keep my cool and remain very very calm.  If I "amp" Laura will too (believe me, she can)!!

I have been explaining to her that she if she CHOOSES to be mean or tries to hurt me than we cannot do fun things.  It is very important that I explain to her and tell her that she is choosing this behavior.  I have tried to steer clear of saying, "You need to be nice". She needs to recognize and know that she has a choice and she is a nice girl. It is not something that "just happens".

Obviously, Laura hasn't been able to do too many "fun things" this week.  And I think it is important to note what this looks like in our house.  It means that after bath she has to go straight to bed instead of going down stairs for an additional 20-30 minutes.  It also means clean up toys, no TV, etc.  Not doing "fun things" on the weekend would be turning off the movie she was watching or whatever "fun thing" was in the immediate future.  BUT, the most important thing is it ISN'T a miserable experience.  With all of these negative interactions going on (hitting, kicking, etc) it is important to have A LOT of positive interactions; interactions that have the desired behavior.  We have been doing tons of talking, trust me this girl can tell stories and hanging out in her room.  Her room is a place for her to chill out and take a break.     

I have also been explaining to Laura that when she tries to hurt me (kick, hit, etc) that she isn't being safe.  Therefore, I can't help her or I will walk away.  For example, last night I was helping her get her PJ’s on and she began to hit me.  Guess what, she had to put them on herself.  Boy, did that make her mad!! However, I stayed there, remained calm, cuddled her to help her calm down and remained consistent.  EVENTUALLY (20 minutes later) she had her jimmies on and she knew why she had to do it by herself (which she is very capable of doing).

One more thing I have been helping her kick the floor, hit the couch WHATEVER. Giving her something that’s okay to release her frustrations, just not living, breathing things! LOL!  I want Laura to feel and recognize her anger and then learn to REGULATE it.  This is WHY she is doing this.  HELLOOOOO, milestone! 

So, how the heck have I been dealing with this??  Putting her to bed on time IF NOT earlier, because if she is overly tired the behavior would be way WORSE.  Calling CAMI just to have a safe ear, and to talk to someone who knows that no matter how hard we try our kids are NOT perfect and we do NOT have all the answers.  Talking about my problem out loud also for me, gives me a chance to hear it and reflect on it. 

So, what else am I going to do?  I need to work on more turn taking with Laura and help increase self-regulation skills.  Playing games like “red light, green light”, and of course being PRO-ACTIVE.

What has helped you with your hitting child?

Baby Night Guard?

My SAINT of a sister-in law had sleep over with our little rug rat last weekend and pampered us, as we were able to have a well-needed date night out! When we picked him up the next morning, she said he was a bit fussy, spitting up, and grinding his 3.5 teeth. Everything seemed like normal behavior for our little guy since he wasn't in his usually environment (explains fussiness) and it's typical that he spits up, but GRINDING?

If you have had your kiddo do this, the sound is so disturbing.  Being a mommy, I checked his temperature, looked in and touched his ears to see they were red or tender, and watched to see if his mood got better or worse.  He stayed neutral.  So, I did a little research on baby teeth grinding, "Bruxism," and got a whole list of "Could Be's" for why he might be grinding.  If your baby is grinding his/her teeth it could be from an ear infection. It could be teething. Could be that his/her teeth are uneven and they are getting use to them in their mouth. It could be anxiety or depression! AWESOME! Last, it could be a genetic behavior if a parent grinds their teeth. Double AWESOME!!! He's just like his daddy! Doomed from the start! When I told my hubby this, he just looked at me and said, "So, is there like a baby night guard for him or something?" HA! Right, honey!

My little Bobo kept grinding his teeth for the next couple of days, so I finally took him into the doctor this afternoon.  Guess what I got? Nothing! Healthy boy.  My doctor just suggested giving him a cold ring to chew on, but he just throws those whenever I give one to him.  Freezing a rag or just a cold rag should help too, I have heard.  Too bad my little guy's attention span is too short to take interest in a ring or a rag.  Oh great, short attention span, another characteristic like his daddy!!! I better get use to it.

Does your little one grind their teeth? What has helped them?

-Cami

Separation Anxiety

Lets talk about our kids emotions.  You commonly hear people talking about, co-sleeping, nursing to build a stronger attachment, letting your child cry it out, tantrums, etc.  I think that we as Mom’s can become very overwhelmed with all of the information and conversations that are out there. 

Cami was approached by one of her friends.  She is concerned because on Sundays when she drops off her 20 month old baby boy at the church’s nursery he cries every time.  First of all, lets also state that she is a stay at home mom.  My personal observation is that one con to being a SAHM is that the kiddos tend to have a harder time when mom leaves.  (Bummer!)    Also, every child is going to go through this.  Generally, before they are 2.  What the heck causes this?  Well, a few things:

Object permanence.  Stick a toy under your child’s blanket, an infant 4-5 months won’t do anything about it.  Stick a toy under your child’s blanket at 9 months and he will move the blanket and retrieve his toy.  Object permanence.  Around 6 months or so your child will began to develop object permanence.  And as they get older they FIRMLY grasp object permanence.  This contributes to the separation anxiety we have all experienced as Moms. 

Another, contributing factor is your child’s attachment to you.  Generally, speaking most likely you and your child have a healthy attachment.  Your child doesn’t want YOU to leave.

So what can moms do to help their kids?

-First, let your kid try it out his new environment.  You don’t want a new childcare setting to be a negative experience for him/her.  Some kids will cry and cling to your leg.  If you give a big hug and kiss and walk out the door they may be FINE within a few minutes.  If your child does this then great!  They are just saying “Don’t leave!” but, once you leave they are able to calm down, regulate themselves, cope and have fun!!   

-IF your child cries and cries and is miserable go in there! As moms it is our job to be a “buffer” for our children.  Small doses of stress for our children are healthy (the example above).  But, if he is crying and not having fun (not so healthy), join the nursery class.  Play with the kids, give him words.  “I know you don’t want mom to go.  I will stay here and next week we can try again.  Look at all these great toys!”  And start playing!  Help your kid cope with this new environment and different caregivers. 

I often had moms comment to me how well my daughter went into nursery class.  I would always explain to them that I worked (which helped) and she is absolutely use to me dropping her off and leaving (I hate that) and with her personality she LOVES to play with other kids.  I also think it is important to point out that children do have their own little personalities.  If your child isn’t running around playing don’t worry too much about it.  Some kids can run in and jump and laugh and play, other children are slow to warm or prefer small groups, that is ok!!

*I would also like to note that 90% of the time my child doesn’t mind being dropped off.  But, she does have her off days and that is ok.  I love her, hug her, kiss her, support her and then the caregiver assists me to get her interested in some activity and she is then fine.  I think that is also beneficial.  Distraction can be a great tool J*

A few strategies to help your child is to have a routine and practice it, whenever you or your spouse leave the house without your child.  For example, every day when Cami's friend's husband leaves for work he should say and do the same thing to their son.  Give him a hug, say “see you later alligator, I love you, I will be back before dinner but, after nap”, etc.  When he comes home he could say “I am home, I missed you, I am back from work!”   Cami's friend could do the same similar thing.  The point is that the child gets familiar with good-bye and the person returning.  Similar games such as peeka-boo are also beneficial.  And of course books with similar themes!

You are the mom you know your kid best, support them in their emotions and what they are experiencing. 

What have you found to be helpful?

Get yourself a Wise Man or Woman

Hi! It's personal time.  I want to share with you a great coping skill I have learned throughout the last 3 years.  Before I was married, I suffered from occasional anxiety and intense panic attacks. I finally made the decision to see a counselor specialized in youth and family therapy.  Best decision EVER! If you have an inkling to get some extra help in your life-GO SEE A COUNSELOR!! If you had a bad experience with a counselor, go see another one. Just like all doctors, you need to find a good fit for you. Don't give up, again GO! I was lucky to find a great one, it is worth it!

My counselor recommended the book Real Love, by Greg Baer.  I am not saying this book is for everyone, but it gave my life a new perspective and changed my way of thinking. It answered my 'Why?' questions and reasons for my behavior. In order to find real love, unconditional love, happiness, or whatever you want to call it, it is done by understanding the following sequence: Truth->Seen-> Accepted-> Loved. Truth is recognizing your 'getting' and 'protecting' behaviors that we do to feel loved. In the beginning it is difficult to figure out ourselves (especially when we are hot headed, angry, or anxious) and finding a "Wise Man/Woman" is your answer.  In order to understand the concept, first you need to read the story.  To save some time I found it online from the  www.iloveulove.com. Here is the story straight from the website. Enjoy!

The Wart King
by Dr. Greg Baer

(From "The Truth About Relationships")

Once there was a rich and beautiful kingdom that stretched beyond the horizon in all directions. But the prince of that kingdom was very unhappy. He had warts all over his face, and everywhere he went, people teased him and laughed at him. So he mostly stayed in his room, alone and miserable.

Upon the death of his father, the prince became king and issued a decree that no one -- on pain of death -- would ever laugh at his warts again. But still he stayed in his room, ashamed and alone. On the rare occasions that he did go out, he put a cloth bag over his head, which covered his warts but also made it difficult for him to see.

After many years, the king heard about a wise man living on the top of a nearby mountain. Hoping the wise man could help him, the king climbed the mountain and found the old man sitting under a tree. Taking the bag off his head, the king said, "I've come for your help."

The wise man looked intently at the king for several long moments and finally said, "You have warts on your face."

The king was enraged. That was not what he'd come to hear. "No, I don't," he screamed. Ashamed and angry, he put the bag back over his head.

"Yes, you do," said the wise man, gently.

"I'll have you killed!" shouted the king.

"Call your guards then," said the wise man.

"My guards aren't here!" shrieked the king helplessly. "I climbed all the way up this mountain to get your help, and now you tell me I have warts on my face?! How cruel you are!"

Angry and frustrated, the king ran from the wise man, falling repeatedly because he couldn't see very well with the bag on his head. Finally, the king fell down a steep slope and into a lake, where he began to drown. The wise man jumped in, pulled the king to shore, and took the bag from his head so he could breathe.

The king was horrified when he saw the wise man staring at him. "You're laughing at me," said the king.

"Not at all," said the wise man, smiling.

With his eyes fixed on the ground, the king said, "The boys in the village laughed at me."

The old man immediately responded: "I'm not one of the boys in the village. That must have been hard for you, being laughed at."

"Yes, it was," admitted the king, with tears in his eyes.

"As you can see, I'm not laughing at you," repeated the wise man.

Somehow this did feel different to the king. As he looked into the lake, he saw his reflection. "I really do have a lot of warts."

"I know," said the wise man.

"And you don't find them disgusting?"

"No, and I don't find my own warts disgusting anymore, either."

The king noticed for the first time that the wise man also had warts. "Why do you not wear a bag over your head?"

"I used to," replied the old man. "But with the bag on my head, I couldn't see. And I was lonely. So I took it off."

"Didn't people laugh at you?" asked the king.

"Oh sure, some did. And I hated that, like you do. But gradually I found a few people who didn't laugh, and that made me very happy."

The king was thrilled. No one had ever looked at his warts without laughing at him or showing their disgust. "I think I won't wear the bag when you're around."

The wise man smiled. "When you go home, you might even leave the bag here."

The king wondered aloud, "Will I find other people like you, who won't think I'm disgusting?"

The wise man laughed. "Of course you will. And with the love of those people, you won't care when other people laugh."

The king dropped the bag on the ground and went back to his kingdom, which was far more beautiful without the bag on his head. And he did find people who didn't mind his warts at all. He was very happy.

Like the Wart King, we've all learned that people express their affection far less when they see our many mistakes and flaws, especially the ones that inconvenience them. So we hide our flaws, which enables us to avoid criticism but also makes it impossible for people to see who we really are. Hiding under the bags we've put on our heads, we briefly feel safer, but we also feel quite alone, which is the worst condition of all.-

You need to find yourself a person that will help you tell the truth about yourself and will love you no matter what.  A person like this knows they have things they are working on and know they are not perfect as well. This person should be an external observer that is not involved in the situation and will not take things personal or take sides with the parties involved.  They should help call you out when you are acting like a vitcim, running, attacking, lying, and manipulating. The technique is to help you recognize expectations we set for ourselves and learn how we react when our cup is not full. The book explains when you are angry, upset or disappointed you are always in the wrong. This is caused by high expectations we put on ourselves and on others. When you recognize you are in the wrong it helps you apologize for your behavior.  The easier it is to tell the truth about yourself, the easier it will be for others to see you for who you are, and accept you!  Therefore...ta-da you will feel loved! Real, true, unconditional, good, great, wonderful love.  I am grateful to have Loni as one of my wise woman! -Cami


Do you have a wise man or woman? Share with us who and why? 
If you need a wise man/woman feel free to email your questions and concerns at momsnotestocope@gmail.com.


 

The Stay at Home Mommy

I really enjoyed Loni's post about "Working Mama" and I couldn't help but feel appreciative that I am able to stay at home with my kiddo.  Loni and I have a great friendship and we actually met at work before my little one was born.  I saw her day in and day out and our professional relationship grew to much more in a short amount of time.  We were able to lean on each other with the good and bad of what was going on in our lives.  She is a DANG good mom and a strong mom. I know I am blessed to have her as a friend and as a "Wise man" (will talk about what that means in a different post).

For those who are in the Stay at Home Mommy group, I say "UNITE!" Ha! When I was prego, I was an avid listener of the XM Radio Stars DR LAURA.  She always praises the stay at home moms for the sacrifce they do for their children and family.  I had a little idea what it would be like since I was a nanny for 3 families, but then again I was getting paid for it and they weren't my own.  Not that I feel like I need to get paid for staying home (which would be awesome), but it is not always ideal.  Don't get me wrong, with Loni, I would still do everything in my power to stay at home because one, I want to raise my child, two, I want to see all of their developments and accomplishments first hand, and three because of the natural motherly instinct I have is to nurture my babies. Yet, lets face it, it ain't always easy.


On Call-
There are some guilt and struggles we Stay at Home Mommies feel though.  We get to be with our babies/kiddos all the time. ALL THE TIME! Late nights, early mornings, mornings, early afternoon, afternoon, late afternoon, night, and repeat. Yes, dad occasionally will get up with baby in the night or early morning, but he has to work and NEEDS his sleep.  Besides, baby really wants HIS mommy anyway.  I feel guilty sometimes asking hubby to get baby because he already is going to work and getting his masters to provide for this family.  I just wish I was this amazing person when I have no sleep...but I'm not. I also feel guilty asking family and friends to watch baby for a couple of hours.  I don't want to put this burden on anyone else too. What if he's unhappy or fussy for them? I want them to have good experiences and love him like we do.  Sometimes this is a forced decision I have to risk.

What Money?-
My hubby and I before we were married planned that when our youngest was in kindergarten that I would go back to school to get my credentials in counseling so I can be a Marriage and Family Counselor. This would be perfect, I could be home when they were home and work when they were gone. Well, we never planned for when finances get tough, what we were to do for extra money. I know... Cami would stress her brains out and worry all day at home! Take upon herself to stay at home, tend the baby, tend the home (laundry, dishes, bathrooms, dinner), oh and do some part time work because heck I just sit at home all day, right? PS: these are my stressed out words not my hubby's.  Breathe! So with limited options, I now try to find some little projects here and there to make it work for some extra income.

Quality time vs Quantity of time-
So "Mrs. Child Development" (what my friend Kelsey calls me) you get to play and psycho analyze your baby all day long, lucky! I wish I did spend more time doing developmentally appropriate things with my baby.  I was an in home service provider for families with children 0-5 and I educated them on finding quality time with their children.  Being home, I realize it is tough sometimes! It takes time, effort, and ENERGY to not put house chores, grocery shopping, church callings, errands, and whatever before my son.  His mood plays a part on this too, I know but it is important and I do it, and when it works, it is great.

"Tub tub talk"-
 Welcome to spending all day with a baby and talking to everyone else in baby talk.  When my hubby and I were dating (kind of), he invited me to a prestigious work dinner with Neurosurgeons he sold to.  Walking to the door to the dinner I say the words, "I'm exhausted from nannying. I need a tub tub!" He looked at me wide eyed and said, "Please do not say that in front of the doctors." I busted up laughing not realizing that after being around children, by yourself all day long you tend to lose it including proper English.  I never did talk baby talk in front of the doctors thankfully, but I did interact great with the doctors' wives.  I still tell hubby that I made HIM look good that night. Finding that mommy on/off switch can be a challenge.

Oh I could go on and on about the stresses mommies at home face, but we still have it good. I am lucky to be with my son in these early years because I know they are precious ones. Mommies working or at home, keep on rock'n it even when you have puke, boogers, and who knows what on you! You're great, strong, and what you do is worth it!

-Cami

Working Mama

She obviously, often dresses herself :-)

I am a working mom.  I am fortunate to have a job in a field that I have a passion for.  Albeit, doesn’t pay much but we make it work for the 2 of us.  

Every day I drop off my little girl at the babysitter’s about 7:30 and pick her up before 5.  Typically, when it’s the end of the day and I ring the sitter’s doorbell I am generally greeted (but not always) with a cute 3 year old yelling “Mommmmm!” as she jumps up and down.    Other times she is engrossed in some type of activity and appears to not really care that I am back.  After chatting with the sitter and talking about everyone’s day we eventually make it home.  At some point between me ringing the doorbell at the sitter’s and Laura and I walking into the house I commonly experience some type of tantrum.  Seriously?!  It’s what every Mom wants, a tantrum.  Sometimes they are short lived other times she is just CRANKY.

I have put a lot of thought into these interactions.  I have also thought a lot about the fact of how much time we DON’T have to spend together.  Monday-Friday we have approximately 2 to 2 ½ hours of time together before it is time for her to be in bed and do it all over again the next day.  I HATE it.  I have seriously contemplated putting her to bed later than 7:30 just so I can play, snuggle and have fun with her.  But, lets face it.  That ain’t gonna happen! Even though typing that makes me sad.  Let me explain why…

#1.  Why does Laura tantrum almost every day?  Because I am SAFE.  She, like me has had a long day and has been keeping her composure all day long and now she can just be free and let it out.  Some days she may be tired, frustrated, or sad because she missed me.  But, the point is she is going to let out her emotions onto me.  Because I am the MOM and we have a healthy relationship. 

#2 Once again I am the MOM and she is 3.  She is going to try push her limits the most with me because I am SAFE.  She is testing me, kids need limits, they need structure, they absolutely crave it (and fight it). Additionally, because she is 3 she is consistently experiencing new emotions, figuring out how to handle them, what they are and what the heck to do with them. 

#3 She needs her sleep!  I have learned that I need a break and she needs her sleep.  Children are better off with an hour or 2 less of interactions than with that extra hour or 2 of interaction and it not be positive.  If I let Laura stay up in an effort to spend more time with her she is going to be tired, she already has had a long day.  And I am tired too and I still need MY time to get things done and take care of myself.  Self-care is so important!

Some days I have a hard time remembering these things but, I know that they are totally true!  Working can be exhausting and the guilt I feel some times is awful.  But, when I put things into perspective and take care of myself it seems to alleviate my guilt.  Because I KNOW that she needs her rest, I need to take care of myself too and children don’t need to spend the majority of their time with their parent to have a loving, healthy relationship which is what every child needs.