Cami was approached by one of her friends. She is concerned because on Sundays when she drops off her 20 month old baby
boy at the church’s nursery he cries every time. First of all, lets also state that she is
a stay at home mom. My personal observation
is that one con to being a SAHM is that the kiddos tend to have a harder time
when mom leaves. (Bummer!) Also,
every child is going to go through this.
Generally, before they are 2.
What the heck causes this? Well,
a few things:
Object permanence.
Stick a toy under your child’s blanket, an infant 4-5 months won’t do
anything about it. Stick a toy under
your child’s blanket at 9 months and he will move the blanket and retrieve his
toy. Object permanence. Around 6 months or so your child will began
to develop object permanence. And as
they get older they FIRMLY grasp object permanence. This contributes to the separation anxiety we
have all experienced as Moms.
Another, contributing factor is your child’s attachment to
you. Generally, speaking most likely you
and your child have a healthy attachment.
Your child doesn’t want YOU to leave.
So what can moms do to help their kids?
-First, let your kid try it out his new environment. You don’t want a new childcare setting to be
a negative experience for him/her. Some
kids will cry and cling to your leg. If
you give a big hug and kiss and walk out the door they may be FINE within a few
minutes. If your child does this then
great! They are just saying “Don’t
leave!” but, once you leave they are able to calm down, regulate themselves, cope
and have fun!!
-IF your child cries and cries and is miserable go in there!
As moms it is our job to be a “buffer” for our children. Small doses of stress for our children are
healthy (the example above). But, if he
is crying and not having fun (not so healthy), join the nursery class. Play with the kids, give him words. “I know you don’t want mom to go. I will stay here and next week we can try
again. Look at all these great toys!” And start playing! Help your kid cope with this new environment
and different caregivers.
I often had moms comment to me how well my daughter went
into nursery class. I would always
explain to them that I worked (which helped) and she is absolutely use to me
dropping her off and leaving (I hate that) and with her personality she LOVES
to play with other kids. I also think it
is important to point out that children do have their own little
personalities. If your child isn’t
running around playing don’t worry too much about it. Some kids can run in and jump and laugh and
play, other children are slow to warm or prefer small groups, that is ok!!
*I would also like to note that 90% of the time my child doesn’t
mind being dropped off. But, she does
have her off days and that is ok. I love
her, hug her, kiss her, support her and then the caregiver assists me to get
her interested in some activity and she is then fine. I think that is also beneficial. Distraction can be a great tool J*
A few strategies to help your child is to have a routine and
practice it, whenever you or your spouse leave the house without your child. For example, every day
when Cami's friend's husband leaves for work he should say and do the same thing to
their son. Give him a hug, say “see you
later alligator, I love you, I will be back before dinner but, after nap”, etc. When he comes home he could say “I am home, I
missed you, I am back from work!” Cami's friend could do the same similar thing. The point is that the child gets familiar
with good-bye and the person returning.
Similar games such as peeka-boo are also beneficial. And of course books with similar themes!
You are the mom you know your kid best, support them in
their emotions and what they are experiencing.
What have you found to be helpful?
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