HITTING another milestone

I do limit her candy intake (most days) lol

This past week I think Laura has hit a new milestone in her development!  And I will be honest its not my favorite.  All week she has been hitting, spitting and kicking.  Now, don't get me wrong she has always had these behaviors but they have been hit or miss. NOW its all day every day when she is with me! These have definitely been trying, and believe when I say that I have wanted to react and hit her back (the little stinker)!!  She is 3 ½ years old and this is a hard stage.  This week after she goes to bed I come downstairs on the verge of tears.  So, what have I been doing?

Well, at times I have definitely shown my frustration through my tone of voice.  But, I can also say that I have learned (in school and through experience) it is soooo much better if I keep my cool and remain very very calm.  If I "amp" Laura will too (believe me, she can)!!

I have been explaining to her that she if she CHOOSES to be mean or tries to hurt me than we cannot do fun things.  It is very important that I explain to her and tell her that she is choosing this behavior.  I have tried to steer clear of saying, "You need to be nice". She needs to recognize and know that she has a choice and she is a nice girl. It is not something that "just happens".

Obviously, Laura hasn't been able to do too many "fun things" this week.  And I think it is important to note what this looks like in our house.  It means that after bath she has to go straight to bed instead of going down stairs for an additional 20-30 minutes.  It also means clean up toys, no TV, etc.  Not doing "fun things" on the weekend would be turning off the movie she was watching or whatever "fun thing" was in the immediate future.  BUT, the most important thing is it ISN'T a miserable experience.  With all of these negative interactions going on (hitting, kicking, etc) it is important to have A LOT of positive interactions; interactions that have the desired behavior.  We have been doing tons of talking, trust me this girl can tell stories and hanging out in her room.  Her room is a place for her to chill out and take a break.     

I have also been explaining to Laura that when she tries to hurt me (kick, hit, etc) that she isn't being safe.  Therefore, I can't help her or I will walk away.  For example, last night I was helping her get her PJ’s on and she began to hit me.  Guess what, she had to put them on herself.  Boy, did that make her mad!! However, I stayed there, remained calm, cuddled her to help her calm down and remained consistent.  EVENTUALLY (20 minutes later) she had her jimmies on and she knew why she had to do it by herself (which she is very capable of doing).

One more thing I have been helping her kick the floor, hit the couch WHATEVER. Giving her something that’s okay to release her frustrations, just not living, breathing things! LOL!  I want Laura to feel and recognize her anger and then learn to REGULATE it.  This is WHY she is doing this.  HELLOOOOO, milestone! 

So, how the heck have I been dealing with this??  Putting her to bed on time IF NOT earlier, because if she is overly tired the behavior would be way WORSE.  Calling CAMI just to have a safe ear, and to talk to someone who knows that no matter how hard we try our kids are NOT perfect and we do NOT have all the answers.  Talking about my problem out loud also for me, gives me a chance to hear it and reflect on it. 

So, what else am I going to do?  I need to work on more turn taking with Laura and help increase self-regulation skills.  Playing games like “red light, green light”, and of course being PRO-ACTIVE.

What has helped you with your hitting child?